Douglas Thompson's Blog

15 May 2007
God Hates This ManGod Hates Television

Jerry Falwell is dead at last. Thank you Lord!

Falwell embodied almost everything bad about America except that he could pronounce "nuclear" correctly. God has taken him away from us. And, like everything Jerry observed during his life, this must be a sign. Purple TV characters for preschool children were homosexual anarchists. That was Jerry's most idiotic proclamation. But that was not all. 911 was God's revenge for abortion, homosexuality, sushi and practically everything else he did not like.

If all major events in history were some kind of sign from the Almighty, Jerry's death must be a sign as well. You choose: 1. God hates television;2. God hates Christians; or, 3. God hates moronic bigots who pretend to represent Him/Her. The best answer is probably #1, although #3 is a close runner-up.

Admit it. Television plays a major role in much of the world's stupidity and is the direct cause for many senseless deaths. How many people choke to death each year while they are eating and watching TV at the same time? Mama Cass' death was an early message from God that none of us paid any attention to.

What does God want you to know? Turn off your television (particularly the news) and enjoy soft music and polite conversation while you eat. And leave it off unless you can watch a Brad Pitt film or reruns of My Mother the Car.

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The power of the news is often a surprise. I just returned to Bangkok after visiting our staff, firing several hotels and seeing some cool new stuff in Saigon and Hanoi for about a week. On several occasions I was asked if Bangkok was "back to normal" yet. Aside from the fact that "Bangkok" and "normal" are not often used in the same sentence, I was alarmed by this question at first. "There was a bombing last week," was the answer. "It was all over the news."

For the fourth or fifth time this year someone has set off a bomblet in an empty telephone box (booth) on a nearly-empty street in the dark of night. Nobody was killed. There was one minor injury. Highly decorated police officials who probably couldn't solve a crime if they had to appeared on the tellie the follow morning, crouching and pointing at the "clues." (Yes, General, it's a piece of broken glass.)

What is this all about? Does some teenager hate the telephone company? If a mad bomber wanted to see blood and guts, the target would be much different. The biggest victim from this hot breaking news story is Thailand herself. I am not sure about people elsewhere, but Vietnamese are terrified of traveling to Thailand until the "trouble" is past. That's just plain silly, of course. We feel safer here than in most of the world's big cities.

Items that do not make the news: The Chinese government puts down something like 70,000 riots every year. On the night of the recent presidential election in France, about 340 automobiles were torched. Not only am I terrified of visiting France, I am even afraid to eat French food. What if we go to Paris and they have a surprise election? And while CNN spent days broadcasting practically nothing but stories about tragic murders at Virginia Tech, many times more people were dying similarly tragic and violent deaths in Iraq every day. But they are not like us so we really do not care much about them. They get fifteen seconds of air time if they get any at all.

"Isn't there something better on? It's the same stupid news every night. God hates those people. They're getting what they deserve. Pass the potatoes please...."

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